Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Crying and weeping

Image hosted by Photobucket.comI would expect that Glory would be emotional all the time considering that she is nearly 20 weeks along with our third child. There are the conflicting emotions that run rampant: feelings of inferiority, worthlessness, elation, despair, utter joy and a myriad of other feelings. Yet, at times, I wonder if I should be the one pregnant.

Tonight I am watching Murron as Glory and Elizabeth are at a ladies church function. I find that the littlest things cause me to pause and be somewhat sad. Sad for what, I don't know. I fixed Murron's dinner (all she wanted was cereal), but then when I sat down next to her with my soup, she wanted what I was eating. So, there we were, dad and daughter eating soup together. Later, after the dishes were done, I sat down next to Murron and put on a Little Bear video. Watching her face light up in anticipation of the scenes that she has viewed 1,000 times made my heart melt. She's gotten to the point that she's memorized the videos, so when she anticipates Duck saying, "Oh, dear," in "Doctor Little Bear," or when she looks at me, points to the TV a split second before Little Bear sees ladybugs on a flower in "Father Bear's Flying Flapjacks," I get a little emotional. Or even when she is looking at our hill with me behind our house and marvels at the trees and the grass when I ask her about them, I want the moment to stop and capture it somehow. That cannot happen, so my only recourse is to write these memories down before they fade into the hustle and bustle of the day's events.

It's comforting, however, that my little girl wants to spend time with me, and that she wants to do what I do. Although not a big worry, I do hope that what she sees in me is something I would be proud of seeing in her. I am reminded that Jesus told His disciples that if they want to see what the Father is doing, all they had to do was look to the Son. Even Paul gives himself as an example to his disciples.

Just so long as the girls don't see me when I get lost in Portland, show my frustration when the phone rings off the hook at work, when another day has passed and I haven't gotten many personal things done, or even when...



Bill and Glory said...

I love this, Honey! You captured the essence of our little one so well. I am very proud to be your co-parent!


shannon said...

Bill, Glory told me you were a good writer--and she wasn't just bragging. I really enjoyed this piece, and I'm looking forward to reading more from you both.

God bless you!

Bill and Glory said...

Thanks, Shannon. Just getting the hang of it once again. More to come, I hope.