Sunday, August 14, 2005

Diamonds are a toilet's best friend

It's funny how I liked, and loved, some girls when I was a wee lad when they were just plain witches to me. The witchier they were, the more I loved them. A glutton for punishment, you say? Perhaps.

Melanie was a her name. She was cute. She was nice. She hugged me once after a kid named Augustine threw a ruler at me and nearly poked out my eye. (A quick hometown newspaper check several months ago revealed that my ol' childhood chum Augustine got another notch on his rap sheet for drug dealing, again. Seems that ruler throwing was just the beginning of his criminal career.)

But I digress...

I wasn't the only one who loved Melanie. Todd loved her, too. So, I hatched a plan to show just how far I would go to prove my (our) undying affection. I would buy her a ring. Yep, the fanciest, prettiest, most gorgeous ring a 10-year-old could buy.

I wonder how serious the jeweler took me when I walked into her store and started pouring over the diamond-, sapphire- and ruby-encrusted rings like a gem expert. Then, there it was. The ring that would be proud to be on Melanie's finger. I asked to see it. The lady behind the counter smiled and let me look it over. It was fine to me. I noted the price tag wrapped around it: $2.08. No problem. I reached into my pocket, brought out $2.08, slapped it on the counter and ran out the door.

The next day I told Todd I had the ring. I was too chicken to give it Melanie myself, so I asked Todd to give it to her for us. After lunch, Todd went behind her and tapped her on the shoulder as she walked with one of her girlfriends. She turned around. Todd kissed her, forced the ring into her hand and ran away. Success!!

The next day, I summoned the courage and told Melanie that the ring was from both Todd and me, but it was I who bought it. I asked her what she thought of the ring. "I flushed it down the toilet," she said matter-of-factly, smiled an evil smile, turned around and walked away.

That bothered me for a couple of days. How anyone could trod underfoot an act of love was beyond me. How insanely evil.

How insanely stupid.

For some reason, I thought of this episode a couple of years ago and finally realized that I actually stole the ring! That diamond ring didn't cost me a week's worth of lunch money, no. It was $208! Funny that the jewelry store owner didn't come charging after me.

Silly Melanie. She was pretty, but she wasn't too bright.



Trinka said...

Oh I DO wish I could hear the way the jeweler tells this particular story! :)

There are some spiritual applications that could be made, aren't there? Casting one's pearls before swine, maybe? :)


Carol L said...

No way!!! That didn't really happen, did it???

Bill and Glory said...


Indeed it did. I wonder how many hearts Melanie has broken over the years.


Trinka said...

Don't you just WISH Melanie could know now what she threw away then? :)


Bill and Glory said...

Well, I got what Melanie threw away. :-) Ohhhh, were you talking about the ring?

Glory (who got the best part!)

Carol L said... giggle...and YOU GO GIRL!!!

Bill...First, it's incredible the jeweler let you run out of that store with that diamond ring. Second, it's a miracle your parents didn't find out - usually kids get soooo busted when they do stuff like that. And if I were that girl's momma, she'd have grown up with no hide on her lil fanny for flushing a perfectly good piece of jewelry down the toilet like that - even if I'd found out after the fact and the girl now had grandchildren I'd still bust her lil hide!

And, regarding your question: The law of sowing and reaping always works. The even sadder question than how many hearts she broke is that of how badly hers was damaged when she reaped that harvest, ya know?

JOE B said...

Can you do me a favor and thank Glory for coming by my blog and leaving a comment? Thanks and God bless, Joe

Trinka said...


Yes, I was thinking the same thing. :) She threw out more than one treasure that day, but God had a better plan. :)


Carol L said...

What's that thing Forrest Gump says? Stupid is as stupid does? Well, at least Bill wasn't saddled with heartbreaker in disguise. And it seems the girl ended up doing him a favor as it seems the pattern of going after heartbreakers was broken that very day she showed herself to be a heartbreaker. And, yeah, Trink, I have to agree. He actually ended up getting the real gold and diamonds, I'd say! And so did Glory!

God is good.

waltertaft4313 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Fishkrisser <> said...

That's a awesome story. I don't know if you read the story about a week and half ago that I wrote about the ring I gave the girl in 3rd grade but I think she probably did the same thing with the ring so I know how you felt. As for how much it cost. WOW!!! Mine only costed like 10 bucks. I don't know how you got away with paying only 2 bucks. lol... I wish I could get away with that at my age now!!! All the girls would love me. ;) wink

steve said...

God Bless!

If you get a chance could you please say a prayer for a little girl named "Rebekah" who has cancer. God knows who you will be praying about! Thank you so much!

Trying to rally some good Christian Prayer for her and her family!

Jimmy said...

Hey Bill and Gloria, I found you through WindScraps and Goldilox and have enjoyed reading of your adventures. You'll definitely be a stop on my blog surfing!

Trinka said...

Hi Bill & Glory,

Have you figured out how to delete comments that are objectionable? Someone posted Spam on my blog, and I'd like to zap it. (I'm using blogger also)

Trinka (totally off topic)

Trinka said...

Never mind ... figured it out ... take THAT spammer! :)

The browser I was using didn't allow me to see the option.